Crossing the Abyss
by calile
Summary: A conversation between Jack and Sam. Takes place after Abyss.


This is my first fanfic ... some days ago I had no idea I would ever start writing fanfic, but I just had to do it after watching Abyss. English is not my native language, so I would appreciate if you could mail me when you find any mistakes or phrases that sound weird.

Please read and review!

Title: Crossing the Abyss

Author: Meriamon

Email: meriamon@gmx.net

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Abyss

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate or any of the characters.

"Glad to be back again," Jack said with a weak smile.

"You are probably not feeling very good now, but Dr. Fraiser says you will be up and alive in a few days."

"Yeah, sure."

Sam didn't think he looked convinced of that. She wasn't convinced herself, actually. Whatever had happened to him in Baal's fortress, it must have been worse than she could imagine. She had never seen him like that. He tried not to show it but he couldn't hide from her that he was suffering. And it was more than the withdrawal symptoms caused by the sarcophagus.

"You will be okay, sir. You gave us some trouble when you were away, you know. General Hammond got quite mad at the Tok'ra."

"He did?"

"Oh, he did, he put all our relations to them at stake and didn't let the Tok'ra leave before he gave us the mission reports."

Jack looked away and said nothing. Sam put her hand forward a little bit but she didn't give in to the impulse to touch him.

He seemed to have noticed her concern. "Hey, I'm fine. Just a little drug withdrawal."

"We are all here for you to help you get over this."

Jack turned his head back to her. "I know. Thank you for that." A slight grin appeared on his face, and Sam saw the old Jack again. "You know what is weird about all this?"

She shook her head, puzzled.

"I'm feeling horrible because I'm on withdrawal from the sarcophagus! But, really, the last thing I ever want to see again is a damn sarcophagus!"

"The one Baal had is destroyed now. You were lucky you were able to get out in time, Yu blew the whole fortress up."

"How exactly did you get him to do that?"

"Oh, we ... just left some plans lying around for him to find."

"Nice idea. Next time I'll try not to walk into the best hidden Goa'uld fortress."

Sam had been wondering about that all the time. "So it was you who was walking there, wasn't it?"

"I was sick! I couldn't even remember afterwards what he had done with my body."

"You were blended with him. You couldn't do anything without Kanan, and he couldn't do anything without you. It's not possible to keep thoughts and feelings separate. I know what it is like."

"I still don't know why I agreed to put the snake in my head in the first place."

"If you hadn't you would be dead now!"

"Yes," he said, very quietly, with a strange look in his eyes.

Sam didn't know what to say. There was it, she could see it clearly, the shadow of what he had been through. The abyss of deepest despair. It was so unlike the Jack she knew, the cynical man who would never shown fear and never give up hope. Now he was safe, but he wasn't safe from his memories.

"The snake nearly got me killed anyway," he said, without any emotion in his voice.

"You are alive. Kanan will be long dead by now."

Jack nodded slowly. "Okay, it's no use to blame him for what happened."

"And don't blame yourself, either."

Jack looked at her, surprised. "I'm not blaming anyone for anything. I just want to forget the whole matter."

Sam hoped sincerely he would be able to do that. "There's one good thing about it, you've succeeded to save the girl."

Jack stared at some spot of the blank wall. "I'm not the hero who saved the maid from the dragon."

"We're not in a fairytale. Not everything is as we wish it to be. But you, sir, are a hero. You ..."

"Carter ... stop talking like Daniel! I've heard that stuff already. I'm not going to become a glowing energy thing!"

Sam startled. "Of course not. In a few days you won't feel sick anymore. Your place is here, sir."

"He didn't think so ..."

"He?" Suddenly Sam realized what he was saying. "You talked to Daniel?"

"He came around for a little chat."

Sam turned her head, thinking how silly it was that she still expected to see him coming just around the corner. "I miss talking to him him. I'm sad every time I think about him though he's not dead."

"I think he's quite happy wherever he is. It's right for him."

Sam drew a deep breath. "When you were gone ... when I didn't know if you would ever come back alive ..." She could tell from the way he looked at her that he knew everything she wanted to say. She wondered why it was so hard to put feelings in words. "It was bad enough to lose Daniel, and he's still around somehwere.". She paused for a second. "I could never bear to lose you."

Jack suddenly closed his eyes.

"Sir! Are you okay?" 

He looked at her again and gave her a warm smile. "Yes. Yes, of course."


End file.
